


Esse est percipi

by birthtwinss



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Study, Mentioned The Boyz Ensemble, New-centric, Road to Kingdom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:48:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27787753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/birthtwinss/pseuds/birthtwinss
Summary: Sometimes Chanhee feels less like himself and more like New
Comments: 8
Kudos: 38
Collections: Die Jungz Fest (R1)





	Esse est percipi

**Author's Note:**

> This assignment (random mode) was slightly inspired by New's part in their `Generation Z´ identity film (which If you haven't watched, please do yourself a favor and do it!).
> 
> Also I would really like to thanks the mods for their hard work and infinite support! they deserve the world and a big thanks to @ninchannie for volunteering to beta this one!

Even when the cameras stop recording and he is no longer on stage, Chanhee is always performing.

Even now, when Sangyeon takes in the member’s tired appearance and tells them to take a break from practice.

But it’s only reasonable, after countless hours of training, beyond singing and dancing, grasping the basic skills of the industry, learning how to entertain, how to please, molding the perfect idol persona. Carefully chosen words and studied manners —practiced and refined to the point where they've become natural— come to him effortlessly.

It’s not as simple as changing his outfit and removing his make-up, getting rid of all the pretty clothes and lip gloss, the perfect idol disguise. 

Chanhee calls it everything but a lie, it's an array of layers, one on top of another, arranged to look like whatever the public wants to see. Because there’s only so much you can achieve with talent and effort, and Chanhee is not as innocent as people might think. He knows talent, as advantageous as it is, isn't essential. It's pointless if there's no one to appreciate it— if no one is paying attention, if no one cares. 

The favor of the people is what really matters, as it grants you a place, makes you legitimate, and ultimately, gives you relevance. In a world where being seen means everything, Chanhee is blinding lights and the new addition to a large collection of shiny pieces, making his way to people's hearts. 

Sometimes Chanhee feels less like himself and more like New, which in theory is good. New is soft in all the parts in which Chanhee is sharp, New is infinitely patient while Chanhee is usually hot-headed, and New is quiet —probably what unreserved Chanhee finds it the hardest.

And who wouldn't want to be a better version of themselves? 

Except it isn't. But sometimes lines get blurred, and boundaries are both the most precious and only thing he can't have. They don't exist in this world, not for people like him.

It’s during those times that Chanhee is reminded that he has a safety net, that he can drop his guard and rely on other people. In an ironic twist of events, Chanhee finds out that the support that keeps him going comes from the most unexpected places, from those that were once the people he had to compete against. 

The relaxed environment along with the casual bantering and the distinctive loudness whenever they're left alone on their own, too familiar now to the point that brings him comfort, Chanhee wants to stop time and hold onto that a little longer, as much as he can.

People say that teamwork is the key to success, which in Chanhee’s opinion is a romantic way to keep up people’s spirit. Success is a steel closed-door with multiple padlocks, and you can’t always find the right keys.

So teamwork it is. But it’s also timing as well as exposure, it’s about having the right camera focusing on you at the right time. A second is enough to make you go viral.

Road to Kingdom is perhaps the Master key.  
An opportunity, the company called it, to get more exposure and gain experience, to prove themselves and hope it's enough for the audience. A challenge, and who are they to decline one?

So they lock themselves in the practice room, assessing their chances and coming out with new ideas for an impeccable performance that could get more than one of them hurt, all for the sake of entertainment.

And it's exciting, of course, in a way that makes Chanhee 's heart race, because he is stepping out of his comfort zone, doing what he always wanted to, living for it. He would be lying if he doesn’t admit he’s beyond proud of the results they've got so far, but that has more to do with the rest of the members’ steely determination, their ambition, and the way they strive for more, taking active participation in every part of the process, never complaining. In a strong chain, there's no weak link.

But like any other survival show, despite the friendly competition and already existing bonds, every stage needs to be bigger than the previous one, just like every episode needs to be more dramatic, pushing contests to their limits. The standard of the genre consists of the drive for controversy and craziness.

Meaning they have to put up with the producer shenanigans and casual evil editing, which makes them the target of ridiculously judgemental comments, that Chanhee hasn’t learned yet not to pay attention to, either about how Chanhee’s unique ability to be always off-beat or the unimpressive look Hyunjae apparently gave to another main vocalist. 

Because of that, they practice hard, almost compulsively, pointing out their mistakes, correcting them, and starting over. Once. Twice, until they lose count and time disappears and it's just the music and them, dancing with sharp and smooth movements —depending on who you’re looking at—, and the sound of their shoes squeaking on the floor filling the room.

(And at this point, practice rooms and recording studios are all Chanhee knows, the group's schedule had never been fuller before, which bring him back memories from another time when he was just high school student Chanhee, struggling to balance academic responsibilities and several part time jobs to pay for his singing lessons.)

Because of that, they limit their interactions with other people and control their reactions in front of the cameras.

Chanhee has heard it’s pretty lonely at the top. Except they aren't even there yet.

Chanhee looks at the boys gathered on the floor —legs crossed, legs extended, a mess of limbs and sweaty clothes, some of them (read: Sunwoo) are even lying on their back.

They will. Chanhee doesn’t know how long it will take, how many attempts, but it doesn't feel impossible anymore after all they've been through.  
And in the meantime, he will enjoy the ride.

Sangyeon speaks loudly, making himself heard above the background noise, and asks them to get up.

The break is over.

**Author's Note:**

> The assignment was quite hard since I've never something like this before! I'd like to add that by no means I'm pretending to know the boys' inner world. 
> 
> if you've made it here, thank you! Kudos and comments are always welcomed! And don't forget to check the other fics in the collection!
> 
> twt: @birthtwinss


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